How to be a DJ when you have no decks.
1. Find someone who has some decks. There are plenty such people around, and they are often only too eager to draw attention to their DJ equipment. Look out for those 'Technics' record bags. 2. Organise a party and persuade the person with decks to bring them round to your house. This can be difficult, but your advantage is the fact that most people that actually have decks spend far too much time in semi darkened rooms playing with their hardware to actually get out and pull in the party people themselves. All you then have to do is persuade them that this will be a prime opportunity to show off their DJing skills, and that no-one will spill beer down their mixer or bite off their tweeters. 3. If you're lucky, you may get a chance to practice on the decks before the guests start to arrive. As it is though, you will probably be too busy worrying that you don’t have enough a) ash trays b) alcohol c)friends. 4. If you can actually get behind the decks when the people are arriving at your party, you’re doing better than I’ve ever managed. You will probably be too busy welcoming your guests, telling people where the toilet is, and explaining to your brother's friend's friend's younger brother that he can't come in if he insists on bringing twelve mates, a shopping trolley and a baseball bat with him. 5. With your trendy decks-owning friend behind the turntables and your house full of people that have left their finer senses at the far end of the Piccadilly Line, the best you will probably be able to achieve in infiltrating the competitive world of DJing may be to lend some choice choons to the DJ. Deck owners are usually too rich and trendy to be seen trawling copies of 'IWill Survive' and 'Groove is in the Heart' from charity shops. Once it becomes clear that your record collection is indispensable to actually get people dancing a subtle but important point will have been made. 6. What you need next is a lot of stamina. Drugs don't work (unless you've got more than everyone else, which is both unlikely and unwise when there’s a party going on in your house) because the idea is to be both on your feet and in your right mind when your guests are either tired out or coming down and all the other potential DJ are beyond capability of fighting you for the decks. Yes, I'm afraid that if you've got to start somewhere, the 6am shift will probably be it. Still, at least hard earned DJ practice is a good excuse to postpone attempts to clear up until well into the next day. 7. Having a party of your own is a good way to get invites to other people's. Further more, having established the merits of your records in getting people dancing, there is a fair chance that people will want you to bring them round. This is the stage at which to insist that while lending records at your own party is one thing, the only person to spin your vinyl on someone else’s premises will be you. Don't let anyone scare you off the decks by mocking your inability to mix the latest speed garage or drum&bass, or even by pulling faces when you can't get the headphones to work. There’s a reason why so many people with technics records bags pout. It’s called Sour Grapes. Hannah Miss-in-the-Mix Metcalfe and her DJ ing partner El Funky Spice are available for parties, wedding receptions, anniversaries etc. Tel.0181 932 1247
